How could I be so heartless?

Look at me. I am only 20 years old and I cannot stand myself. I wish I could go back to the days before. I was only 5 years old. I was a poor innocent child and he stole that from me. This picture shows exactly what I mean. I posted it on the internet without my name on it because I was afraid he’d find me. Those are his hands holding the heart. My heart. I trusted him and he broke it. My dad always told Mom that he was not right. That she needed to divorce him. And she did. It was just too late. The damage had already been done. Those are my hands ripping my chest open because I will give my heart to any man now. I don’t care to give all I have to a man that will tell me he loves me. The first one stole it from me. There is a big empty black space where my heart used to be. That’s my 5 year old face on top of my body now. I wish I could be innocent. That’s why I painted my shirt white. Because white is a color that stands for innocence, I was hoping I could fool myself. I cannot. I will never be able to again. The dark forest behind me shows where it happened. One day, I was playing and then it happened. My eyes are painted dark because what is the point of showing joy when you have none. All of my joy is gone. The lines and design of this picture is very vivid because my memory is vivid. I made myself look the other way. I can’t bear to see the pain of him holding the only heart I had. I was only 5 years old. He forced me to grow up. To lose the pure childhood I had. I won’t forgive him until my day in court comes and I can see him in chains and shackles like he has put me in. I can’t form a relationship with a man. I can’t trust my friends. I go see my ther-rapist three times a week but it doesn’t help. All that awful man does is make me bring the memory back up. He made me paint this picture. I can’t do this anymore. I wonder if he noticed that there is a tear running down my left eye. Did he notice that my crimson lips are darker than my heart? There is not a five year old girl in the world who wears make-up unless it’s for dress-up. I never got to be a child. He stole that from me. He cut the space in my chest for my heart to fall. My blond hair shows how I used to be. I turned my hair black at the first foster home I was allowed to. That was about the fourth one. They kept throwing me out because I couldn’t trust the man that was living there. I am older now and I should be growing up. Getting married and having kids like the rest of the people my age are. But I just can’t. I have to learn how to trust a man before I could ever even start to have a life. My life sucks. This is not the first picture. This will not be the last picture. I thought of this when I was called heartless. I yelled and screamed before I realized I really was heartless. I had nothing to give because all I had was taken and stolen from me. I will never forget that night in the woods. I will never get past that night in the woods. I will always be stuck in the woods.